Things liked most

Don’t we have a few things in life that we like most? One of those things I like to have a good laugh once in a while. That’s why I went for the movie PK the other day, at least I had a bit of laugh, though it just limited in the theater, however it gave a mild exercise to my laugh-muscles!

I am convinced more now. My ancestors were really wiser. There is one more reason for me to believe that, they had introduced a practice of giving up something in their lives. Something that they liked most, something very close to their hearts. They called it “leave something in Kaasi”. It was common to go to Kaasi ( Banaras ) at later stages of their lives. And at that very venue before returning they would make a resolution that they would give up eating something they liked most. For example, they would not eat pappads or pickles of any sort. They knew well that those salt-rich items, which were close to their hearts, were actually more harmful to the physical heart itself. By stopping eating them all together for the rest of their life, they were actually trying to increase the duration of that part of their lives.

Is it not a fact that we tend to give more importance to things we like most? And that affinity just amplifies in an emergency situation. If somebody’s house is on fire and when he sees the flames, all he will think of his precious life and try to run out of the house as quickly as possible. If he sees only smoke, then he knows he can buy a few more minutes so he tries to pick up a few valuables from the house along with his life before jumping out.

That is why when we are on a flight, even before it takes off, the crew reminds us of the security procedures. They know very well that the delicious food and inboard music/movies provided is not more important than one’s life itself. So as you try to sip the sweet welcome drink, they will remind you of the bitter things that could happen. Should an emergency arise, they educate you where those other exit doors that can be operated. While hearing and seeing those procedures one may temporarily get into a high pressure situation. But then the reminder comes to you, there could be drop in cabin pressure during the journey. They instruct the parents with infants to exercise some caution. Not to think of their beloved kids first while pulling and wearing those masks which would automatically drop from the ceiling. One needs to overrule the fact that his child’s life is more precious than his own life in that split second. Wear the mask himself so that he has sufficient oxygen in his lungs to be conscious and help the little one to wear the mask.

It is widely believed that our womenfolk like gold ornaments. And they keep buying and accumulating those lovely ornaments. I tend to disagree with that. Men are equally responsible for this accumulation. It was a joint decision since gold is one of the best saving instruments - solid metal, at the same time highly liquid. And they jointly tend to park their money, both white and black, by buying gold ornaments! And once bought what's that poor ladies can do with those? Wear and display. Off late this trend might have increased as the gold price has fallen a lot. Thinking that those ornaments will not be much attractive to those thieves – chain snatchers. You may consider the gold has become cheaper for you, but not for those snatchers. They keep snatching the ornaments, easy money for them with no much effort.

In Bangalore city last few days the number of chain-snatching incidents has gone up drastically, soon it might overtake the number of dengue fever cases the way things are going on. But cops have observed something. While snatching attempt happens, the victims tend to focus more and hold on to the ornament – obviously something they keep it very close to their hearts. What police advise is to forget about the yellow metal for a while and try to grab the shoulder or shirt of the thief. By doing so, the chances are high that the thief will lose balance and fall from the two-wheeler. And chances are high that instead of a minor part of the gold chain, the culprit himself can be caught, of course with the other major part of the chain in his hands.

Do you have a list of things you like most? If not, make one today. It will be handy while reviewing the importance to be given to those items in certain situations. And to mentally prepare even letting them go for larger and better interests!

To say "Yes"

We all know there are many reasons why one can get stressed out. One of the important ones in those reasons is our inability to say “No” to things. One gets loaded and then overloaded with work by two important people – one’s boss and one’s spouse - at least till job retirement, if he or she survives till then. . So it’s taught to us and to some large extent we practice that art of saying “No” to unreasonable demands.

Conversely what about totally losing the ability of saying “No”? I suppose the situation will force one to say so with no much practice. Let me throw some light on this.

This happened several years ago. It was not a big surprise when one my distant uncles decided to go for a pilgrimage with his wife. Both were in mid-seventies, their children were well settled abroad with their own families. So it is natural that the old couple decided to go for such a tour. But they had a problem, they needed somebody to accompany them to take care of them, if at all any emergency arose. 

“Venkatesh will be a good choice” uncle told aunt. He had to be, he was one of his nephews. Obedient fellow, had good manners, no bad habits, only problem he had was with studies. College drop-out, still a teenager, but not knowing what to do. He was ready to help anybody, if fed well. So he whole-heartedly agreed to travel with the senior citizens, a golden opportunity for him to see places and more importantly relish different types of food. One fine day, they set off early in the morning. 

“Do you want to buy coffee? “aunt asked uncle, sincere question. “No, No we don’t know what milk and water they use, it may upset our stomach. Let’s have Jeera water instead that we brought”. Obedient Venkatesh did have no choice but to say No to coffee exactly like what his uncle did. He had to settle down for that phenol-coloured liquid while listening to the chanting of pious verses by the old couple. During breakfast and lunch, same story - no outside food. Only thing he could do was join his uncle to say “No”. It was dry, thick rotis, carefully prepared and packed by aunt. Poor Venkatesh could chew a small piece of it and managed to swallow it till it reached just below his Adam’s apple. With a few drops of Jeera water all he could was push it a few milli-meters further down. Then came the dinner time. Nice biriyani was up for grab and with all his courage Venkatesh said “Yes, I want to eat this” before either of them could open their mouth. Starving for the whole day taught him he had to say “Yes” in desperate situations. Needless to say, he single-handedly finished the whole pack with no time, fully energised to take care of any emergency for at least another day! With no guarantee whether the old man would offer to buy anything to during the rest of the trip !!

“Can I get a motorbike now, I would like to have that sports model with 300 cc engine?”, the son had been asking his dad the day he stepped into college. He used to ask this question every now and then the poor dad could only tell “No, you are still young, you need to have a well-levelled head on your shoulders before you can ride your own bike”. The son never gave up, he repeated the same question whenever he got an opportunity, and the big ”No” from dad repeated.

One fine day the dad said “Yes, I will buy one for you, let’s go today itself and choose one”. The son was surprised, he did not know what made his dad suddenly say Yes. Little did the son know that his dad tried to cross the road that morning. Little did the son know that his dad was almost knocked down by an over-speeding high-end heavy motorbike. Little did the son know that his dad clearly noticed who the rider of the bike was – his own son, taking pillion his friend who was the owner of the bike. Little did the son know that his dad would trust more the bike maintained by self than any other joker – just to keep his son’s head safer if not much levelled above his shoulders!

And then this young couple, they were so fed up of saying continuously “No” to others. They were happily married alright. They were away from their parents, having their own family in a distant town, alright. That was not their problem. They were married for almost six years and the only question their parents and relatives had was “No child yet, who has the problem!” They were fed up saying “No, not yet”. So one fine day they decided, they had to say Yes, to solve all their problems. They did!. They started saying Yes to those who asked. But their problem of saying “No” never ended, in fact it just started. “No baby, don’t cry”- what can the baby do, it can only cry when it feels like, more so in the nights!. It is just a beginning.  And the number of opportunities to say “No” will only amplify as time progresses. “No, don’t pull that stuff from table. No, don’t step out of the house. No, no ice cream today, you have a cold. No, No internet for you. No FaceBook account for you, you are too young” – It would just go on!

So yes, there are instances when one loses the ability or patience to say “No”. Of course one needs to have tremendous courage to face any bad consequences there-off by saying “Yes” ! For many days, I have been telling myself “no, not today” when the thought of blogging something came to my mind. I got tired of saying “No” to myself, so today I said Yes! Hopefully the consequences won’t be that adverse!

Miseries

“Where do you live? “ I told where I live. “You are so lucky, you are living within city limits. Look at me, I am in the outskirts, struggling for everything, no shops nearby, no water, no proper roads”. The person started listing down all miseries in life.

I was in the day-train to my home town, traveling alone. Eleven hours of journey but I managed to get a seat in the chair car, A/C that too a window seat, I was proud of myself! Before boarding the train I tried to locate the passenger list just to know who would be sitting next to me. I normally do that and based on name, age, sex and destination I try to draw a pen picture of the person to do an assessment as how uncomfortable that person's journey would be! But the usual list that would appear near the door was missing this time, I didn’t have any clue as what was in store for me.

Then the moment came, a man appeared and took the seat next to me. He was the one who wanted first to know where did I live. He was the one who had no doubt in his mind that he is one of the few with all the miseries in the world. And he was the one who believed that he should never miss a single opportunity to narrate those miseries to others. And he did that faithfully till the eleventh hour of our journey.

I am not a tall person, but he was at least six inches shorter than me. I have only a few hairs left on my head, he had fewer! So his sheer appearance itself made me feel superior to him. I started forgetting all my troubles in life from the beginning itself. “What is the point in having money, I have enough but no happiness”. I wanted to tell him that there are many around us who do not have both, at least you have one of them. He looked old alright, and from the conversation I could make out that he is lonely also. Being old has its good and bad, but being old and lonely is all bad – I could only empathize with him. I folded the novel; I had just turned to page no 1 with an ambitious target of finishing it during those dull hours. And I kept it safe deep inside my bag with no intention of picking it up for the rest of the day. Fictitious mysteries can wait today, real miseries are more important.

Every ten minutes those caterers brought some snack or other, deep fried in oil. I was overwhelmed by the sweet aroma of those snacks and forgot for a moment that my body already enjoys fairly high amounts of bad cholesterol -actually much more than required - as per the latest blood report. I eagerly looked at him once or twice to see whether he would buy a few of them so that I could also buy, if not share what he bought! He was least affected by the smell of food. He had only been talking. I couldn’t resist any more. I asked him whether he would like to have any of those. “No no, I have serious cholesterol problem, I just can’t eat these oily stuff”. He disclosed his cholesterol composition to the minute level, voluntarily. I felt relieved, I seem to be much healthier than him, his levels are at least 100 points above mine. In all probability my arteries could be less clogged than his, should I go by those health study reports.

He had many more miseries and he went on to my delight!

So it may not always be true that miseries in life are all that bad if you really think about it. It gives a topic to start a conversation and share with somebody, that too with no homework required!. It also gives tremendous opportunity for the listener to feel good. To feel that he is better off compared to many others in this world !

But one has to wait to meet such people who would narrate their problems just to get relieved of their worries, in turn he himself gets relieved much more! It’s a passive way, and may not always happen when required. And people can’t wait for chances just like that. 

So what do people do? They create those opportunities. “Did you know, Mohan’s daughter eloped with a boy belongs to another religion, forget about that, he is just a plumber by profession. I am not sure how Mohan is taking it!”. “Heard that Peter is suffering from some sort of cancer, he hasn’t told anybody but I came to know through one of the hospital staff whom I know. Peter is having terrible pain and his days are numbered.” Information on other’s miseries gets shared quickly to n number of people in no time. These people like to talk about other people’s misery, it makes them feel their own life is somehow better, when many a times it actually isn’t.

So it may be natural to think or tell other people’s miseries when one feels so miserable and absolutely nothing goes right in one’s life. To get consoled himself that his life is better than many others. In any case one will be trying to provide solutions when he hears others miseries, so no issues there. In all other occasions, he can look up to others who are having a better life, I am pretty sure such people always do exist!. While it is also natural to get jealous of them, he can observe one or two good things in them which make them happier, with an intention to try to practice those things, if not for anything else.

 

Stamp Stamp

I stamped it with my left foot, with right foot in the air. Then similarly with my right foot.  No change. Stood on top of it with both feet on. Exerted some pressure, released some pressure. Absolutely no change. I am talking about the bathroom (weighing) scale which is always kept under the stairs and never found a place in my bathroom!  I sadly realised that my strict exercise and diet regime for over a month became an absolute waste. But what fascinated me is that even after getting stamped over and over for years, that poor fellow still obediently displays me my weight with no grudge! In fact each time he needs a stamp to perform!

 “Thalla chavuttiyal pillayku kedilla”, they say in Malayalam. Kind attention to all mothers and kids – what it means is “if mother stamps on her child, no damage will do to the child”. Of course, symbolically this means a lot. But this fact obviously was not derived by watching 50+ kg mothers and 3+ kg kids found in human race. This phenomenon was observed in chicken. Those pretty birds that always get killed. Get killed, eaten by humans when they are healthy and culled and buried/burnt when they are found with any of the bird-flue variant viruses. One should watch them when they hatch and baby chicken emerge out of those egg shells. While taking them around, the mother hen will stamp on those little ones mercilessly. And those little ones get more energised after each stamping as if nothing has happened. So, yes, some types of stamps appear to be harmless, on the contrary refreshing!

Stamping inadvertently can create some trouble. This person in my village was walking on the road and he stamped on a snake like thing. Lucky for him it didn’t bite him, but unlucky for the snake, he had a hunch that it had crawled and settled in to a nearby rat hole. People gathered. They were dead sure that if it is a cobra - by the way cobra was abundant in that area – it would remember this stamp for ever and it would trace him down one day and take revenge. What options now?, locate the snake and kill. Crowbars arrived. Pick-axes arrived. Shovels arrived. Digging happened. Within ten minutes they were able to extract the snake out, kill it. They were right– it was indeed a cobra. They were sure it was a baby around 2 feet long alright, but it was adult enough to recognize who had stamped it and was capable enough to build its own family in a few years’ time. To follow the stamper and launch a massive attack on him and his family. Sad part was that the killed cobra did not know any of these facts!

Indiscriminate stamping can happen, in stampedes. It can prove costly. When your life is in danger and you run to escape, you don’t care on what you are stamping on. You are least bothered whether it is another human being under your feet or anything else for that matter. We had gone to watch a musical night by Malayalam playback singer Jayachandran during nearby temple festival. He was a good singer, he used to get one or two songs in a year, while the legend K J Jesudas used to sing almost all other 100+ songs. But those one or two songs by Jayachandran were mega-hits. Even I sing those old songs, especially when I get angry and it is good way to contain my anger. It became a solid trait in me, everybody in my family knows when I will sing those songs. So these days I eagerly wait for an angry occasion to hum those lines, else it would result in a total misunderstanding of the situation. 

While we were enjoying the songs we heard somebody shouting “Aana virande, Aana virande”( Elephant became rampant !). It could be quite possible, after a day’s hard work in processions, one of the elephants would have got wild, how much ever melodious way our man was singing! We had to believe. Luckily we were at the back and we rushed to a nearby building and stood pretty on its terrace. Then I did see those stampings, indiscriminate ones.  People were running helter-skelter. We didn't see any elephant ! Fortunately, it was an open space leading in to the road, so no body died. There were injuries here and there. Elephants were happily relaxing at the back of the temple. People who misguided the junta by deliberately shouting that elephant got rampant were also happy. They were happily counting how many gold chains they could snatch in the whole melee.

In general, any type of stamping is not advisable. It does no good to stamper or the stampee! But you will find certain small percentage of people around you who are like bathroom scales. That behavior is pathological in them. They can show output only when they are stamped. By all means please stamp those bathroom scales, if that is the only way you will get desirable output from them. But then make sure that your stamps are optimum, delicately placed, in such a way that they are hale and fit for subsequent stamps down the line!