Talking about problems

"Talking about problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys". My friend shared this advice in FB. Good one, we should try to do that as much as possible. But like any other advice, my  "problem" with this one also is that it is easier said than done !!

I had gone to attend a wedding reception last weekend. Needless to say I was full of joy once I managed to reach the venue after driving through Bangalore roads. And there was a big queue to reach to the dais to wish the newly wed couple, it was not a problem for me till I saw that good spread of delicious, colorful food on the other side of the hall. Luckily, I found one of my friends after a long time. When I was contemplating whether to talk about my problems or joys, he started off. "You remember that communist friend in our locality, his "left" side is fully paralyzed ( has to be, if you over-stretch some part, it has to give in !) ". "And that fellow who does a bit of horoscope matching for others, his daughter eloped with a boy belonging to another religion" - this problematic update on others  from him went on till we reached the dais without our knowledge. To much of his joy of telling and to much of my joy of listening and forgetting about the food !!

I found the bride and groom with full of joy. Smiling all the time, posing for the photograph with people having various problems on either side ! At least the couple were extremely happy with no worries on the problems in store for them in days, weeks and months to come.

I have another friend who likes to hear others problems and tries to prove a point. "You have that back ache only now no, I have been suffering from it for the last 5 years". Any problem you tell him, he had faced it before you. He finds joy in becoming first in that aspect. And he might be thinking that your problem would appear less severe to you when you hear from him that he had already faced it.

"How are you, how is your family", my another friend with full happiness,  asked me this question the other day. As usual, I told all good things with a bit of exaggeration to make him happier. But to my surprise all his happiness went away, probably he never expected me to be so happy. I wish I had known about this earlier, I had plenty of instances to narrate to him to show how miserable my life is ! I look this as a win-win situation. Other party feels happy to hear not-that-good news from you - your heart gets a bit lighter after dissipating all your frustrations in front of him.

But for a few close relatives and friends, your problem state is of no impact/influence on others. So in such instances, share with them if you just want to vent out your unhappiness. All other times, when you are looking for a solution or relief, pick up those close ones, but then remember once they hear your problems, they will have sleepless nights like you.

My advice is simple ! Firstly, try not to create problems for self and to others. Your talking about your problems can wait !! Anyways, you have numerous problems of others to narrate, just in case !!!

Question rightly

"It does not matter what answers you get, if you ask wrong questions" - Jim Thompson

"Sir, when is the last train from here to Hubli ?" the person in front of me in the queue at the railway inquiry counter asked. "09:30 PM" he got the answer. The highly inquisitive person did not stop at that - "Is there any train after that ?" . If you know the answer for this and if you think these people at the inquiry counter will be enthusiastic enough in reading some stuff  after answering all the questions for the day, please share it with them !

Imagine you are in a celebration party. It is highly probable that some new face would be coming across you carrying a small kid, fondling him all the while. It is also highly probable that you also fondle the kid a bit and then ask "what is your name?" and to please the "carrying" person you will go one step ahead - "he resembles you a lot" with out knowing that the kid is not actually his but his neighbors !!


You might have heard the above joke in many movies. You might have read this joke many times. Why take so much pain, if you just close your eyes and think of a few stale, sick  jokes, this one will top the list for sure. Then you must be wondering why I wrote this here. Reason is simple, you will never stop carrying around your neighbour's kid whenever you get an opportunity ! If at all you don't have that habit, you will never stop completing your right question with a wrong "value added sentence" just to please the other party !!

I also had faced an interview with my wife and child, for LKG school admission. Three senior citizens were talking to us. "Your elder child also studies here right?" One of the talkative citizens asked me. "Yes sir, our elder on also studies here". The next question from him kept me quiet- "So when  will you come for your third child's admission". I kept quiet at that moment because our child's admission was very important for us, then on I kept quiet through out my life so that I don't face them again with another child of ours !!!

Also, how much ever right your question is, there is a right a forum to ask the same. Our company chairman was addressing us in the annual meet to his employees. Venkat, one of our colleagues asked a right question "Sir, we give lots of importance to our company values, especially to Integrity. But we doctor our CVs while submitting them to prospective customer to convince him our suitability in projects". We all knew it was a genuine question, we used to say in our CVs that we were fairly conversant with "C programming"  after just reading C Manual and successfully completing "Hello World" program and a few more. It was a necessity during those initial times, when we were dying for projects and live project experience was rare for many of us. But, Venkat need not have raised it in an open forum, he could have sent an email to all concerned, as he was upset with this "exaggerating"  process.

Right questions deserve right answers. I vividly remember, his name was Balaji. I was taking his final interview in his college campus after he cleared necessary tests. So I inquired about his siblings. "My eldest brother is in US working for a law firm. Another brother had migrated to Canada. Another one is doing higher studies in Australia". I asked Balaji "Don't you think you should also follow their steps and should not waste your time in an Indian company like ours ?  If I am in your place I would have definitely done that". Soon came Balaji's reply "I am not you" !! Balaji got selected !!!!

Please ask questions only when there is a need. Chances are high that many of those questions would turn out to be right ones then.

Today, my question to you is "Did you read this blog from start till the end  !!!!!?

confirmation bias

Recently I read an article which talks about a study done on decision making. "Almost all managers look for data while trying to arrive at a decision. But 90% of them discard what the data tells them and they go by their gut-feel" !

As usual, I didn't pay much attention to this, thinking that this is another useless study done to arrive at equally useless conclusions. But then, I thought it would be nice to analyze a bit on decision making process.

Whenever I take a flight, I get this odd feeling. Especially after the karma of  fastening the seat belt, take off, necessary turbulence and when the aircraft start cruising at 30000+ feet high. That is the time I get relaxed to think of unnecessary things. My feelings will pour in then. Looking down through the window, which always will be some ocean or other, I start thinking "will the pilot take us safely to the destination?" "will the aircraft explode at this height?( as if a few thousand feet below would make any difference !) " "will the pilot suddenly take a turn to up-north instead of towards west, intentionally or forcefully" "what are my chances of survival?". When these thoughts make me uncomfortable, I will decide to ditch this gut-feel and look for data. Last few months, thousands and thousands of aircraft completed the flights safely. So, my flight also will be safe. Why go to the past? I will look around to see the reactions of my co-passengers, all will be happily in to their own activities as if they were sitting in their living rooms ! That would confirm to me that I am safe too.

But, there are instances when I had to use my gut-feel !

I was a team lead of 7 software engineers, who use to code and test like me. At the end of the year, HR came up with guidelines to rate these people based on their performance to reward them. Those guidelines would be equally vague to arrive at any meaningful results. As such, all my team members used to come late like me, they used to complain to me when they were on bench, customers used to complain to me when they were not in bench ! They were equal in all terms, they used to code only because they did not have any thing better to do in life. All I did that time was use my gut-feel to rank them and identify top 20% in the list to drive the rest 80% in to various degrees of unhappiness !

There is some thing called "Confirmation bias" on which psychologists have done some research. That is what they usually do, when they get bored of no-work situation, not to get into any psychological problems these psychologists do some research and publish weird  theories. According to them, we all have confirmation bias towards a favorable situation, and we try to look at only that data that confirms our bias.

Suppose a scandal or bad news on a politician breaks out in media. ( If the politician had "guts"then there is no question of such report appearing in the media irrespective of whether it is true or not ). If you like that politician, you will not read that article fully, you would say it is media creation. If you don't like that politician, then you will read it a few times, read it out to your friends too. You will thank the media to bring out such atrocities. And then you tend to confirm your opinion on that person.

I never thought I am such "confirmation biased" person until I quit my second job ! As usual, I was on notice period, the period in which I had been noticed much more than any other period in that company. "Best of luck", "Excellent decision", "You will do well" - wishes were poured in from many people. It is true that you have a huge number of well wishers when you quit a company, than those during initial days there. All  of them want you do well in some other company, not here !!!

Strangely, my boss and his boss wanted to retain me. So, I was asked to meet my "super boss". I was preoccupied and decided that I will be closed to any of his questions, my only answer would be "I want to leave". I was successful, but one question-answer by himself  opened my eyes. "Have you consulted with anybody about your decision ? I am sure you would have discussed with only those people who would respond the way you like to hear ". He was dead right ! As such, I was not too sure what I would do in the new company, all I knew was the salary was much better. All I had was a gut feel that the new company would be good for me. I didn't want to corrupt my gut-feel by talking to someone who could potentially  seed a doubt or two in my mind !

I am not a big fan of  Sharukh Khan and his movies. I know I am not alone. But I also know there are many who like/love him and his movies. So when the news break out that his movie collected  crores and crores in the box-office, when good reviews and reviews keep appearing on news papers on his movie - I will frantically look for that review by that odd critic, who never gives good feedback on any thing in this world. I will preserve that super negative article to show to my wife, when she asks my opinion on going for that movie !


Yes, taking decisions on gut-feel is at times good. It speeds up your decision making process. It gives you a kick and rewards you well if the decision turns out to be right. Otherwise, you would get kicked out - by people who will  show enough data to prove as why they are doing that to you !

Also, try to reduce your "confirmation bias" attitude. Else, you would miss watching Deepika Padukone in Chennai Express !!!!!

Walk or Talk

Walking is easy. Talking is much easier. But to walk the talk, it needs a bit of dedication. If at all one wants to be a role model to others, then it is all the more important that he walks the talk.


There are CEOs who direct the people in their firms to be more cost conscious and these CEOs live by example. They fly in economy class with other non-equal people even to meet their cash-rich customers. Nothing wrong in hoping that all behave like that.


We had an energetic boss. First thing he would do in the morning was give a talk. He would call all of us and remind us of our work and urge us to display high energy levels. When we go to his room after an hour, we have to use all our energy to wake this "high-energy boss" up ! Morning half hour was very important for him to talk and the rest of the day was equally important for us to walk !!

I had an elderly relative who had a different style of walking and talking. (Let me not describe that person more, as a few of my relatives, the only ones who seriously read my blogs also will stop doing that ! ). He would come home sweating after a good walk. I had to ask him something, so my simple question to him would be "where did you go ?". He will start talking - "What to say, morning  I forgot to take my umbrella, it was very hot. The auto guys never agreed to take me in. On the way I stopped at  that Ravana's cool bar to have a lemon juice, he was squeezing the same lemon for the fifth time .... " his talk will go on. By the time he finished, his interest levels to tell where actually he had gone would die off. My much pretended interest would have died half way through itself !!.

So it would be effective if one is precise while talking, either before or after the walk.

Soori was my another colleague who believed in helping others. He had to tell this always in the morning "My principle in life is to help others. What else is nobler than that in life". Then his walk would start for the day. Either to electricity board office to get the connection to his boss's residence rectified. Or to a far-off police station to get one of his workers released who was arrested for a "petty" crime like beating his wife the whole night ! Soori would then return in the evening. His talk will resume - "If my help was not there, these guys would have been in trouble. For me this is anyway part of  life". Every day Soori would get into such "TALK-WALK-TALK" cycle without fail.

For some people talking is a matter of survival. Irrespective of whether he walked that talk, if at all he walked,  that walk gave him any desirable results. There is hair oil ad comes in TV. The founder of the company, ayurveda doctor holds a bottle of his great innovation and explains how it can stop hair fall. Don't look too much on his head, no much hair left there. Does that mean he should not promote his product ? He will lose remaining strands from his head, if he had to make a handsome/beautiful model to tell what he tells !!

But there are instances when one should talk their walks. Else he may lose out. I have seen in self appraisal stage, many people tend to write less about their achievements. They are uncomfortable to talk about those achievements. Either they assume it is too less important or they are too shy to "boast" about them. But remember, all bosses are not the same type. Many of them are too busy with their own work and would not have observed what you had done. They are rather more interested to know what you have not done. Moreover, you have only one boss to walk to and then talk, while he has many subordinates whom he has to make them walk to him and then talk ! So it is better to talk about your walks, a more detailed way. After all it is a rare opportunity for many of us which comes across annually, so talk more then !!

Walk the talk as much as possible. You may talk before the walk. You may talk after the walk. But try to talk precisely, sensibly, so that your next walk becomes easier.

Know more, act more

"The purpose of knowledge is action, not knowledge", Aristotle one of the most knowledgeable persons once said.

If one acquires all the possible knowledge and do not act when the need arises, then he is no different from a person who knows nothing.

Having said that, it's not at all advisable to check each and every time whether the knowledge will ever be put into action, when one gets a chance to gain it. If that was the case I would have never passed my history exams. For instance, I mugged and mugged to remember details of Panipat wars I, II, III as who had defeated whom and  in which year these unnecessary events happened. Knowingly well that this knowledge would be of no use for me if at all another war breaks out in Panipat and I have to participate in it ! The whole idea of knowing these was to score some marks. As question pertaining to these details of any one of the wars was almost certain. My use of that knowledge ended then-and-there with some action left for my "historian" teacher to put a red tick/cross mark.

In certain occasions, it is better not to have full knowledge of the subject. If one is found with a  useless tumor growing in his body and that needs to be removed  ( I wonder if any doctor has ever found a useful tumor which can be retained), it is advisable to know only that much. Beyond that what the surgeon will do, which fork and knife he will use, how much blood you will lose, how much sweat the doctor will lose, these questions you can reserve. Reserved to be asked if you wake up from the anesthesia and if you are able to speak up. Else anyways acquiring that knowledge is useless !!

Not knowing fully what is in store before taking an action is also a blessing at times. That might be the reason many things are done to us when we are a small child. Ear piercing, major vaccines many such painful things are done at tender age. Take the case of learning swimming - a small child is able to learn it much faster, why? Partly because his/her body is very flexible and their limbs can move in any unwanted direction in water, even if they wish not to do so. Partly because they do not know the consequences on what will happen if oxygen supply is cut off to them for a while. Partly because how much chlorinated and "ureated" water they will have to drink initially from the swimming pool !!

My friend Sridhar was excellent in mathematics. Any complex mathematical problem, Sridhar would be able to solve it in seconds. Probably his brain was fully packed with all formulas and equations, there was not much space left in it to acquire any other useless stuff. Once Sridhar was traveling in a bus and to his bad luck, a foreigner from Europe was sitting next to him. Imagine the situation,  it was in Madras city and the bus was an ordinary one by the transport company in the name of extraordinary Cheran. Naturally the European had to sweat irrespective of which part of the year. A few drops fell on Sridhar's hand as he was alighting from the bus. Sridhar did not sleep for a few days till our next maths exam was announced. He was worried that he would get afflicted by HIV virus that would have been abundantly swimming left, right & center in the European's sweat. Sridhar was dead sure of that fact seeing the foreigner's casual dress code and "careless" attitude, such thing would definitely be possible !!

Know more, act more. But do not hesitate to act just because you don't know what you will learn by that action. And swiftly get into action, if you think that your knowledge is of some use in that situation.

Breakdowns

This started some time back - beep from my home inverter. Initially the beep used to come after an hour or so once the electricity had gone. Slowly, the time it could withstand the "powerless" situation started decreasing and the beep interval started increasing. Last week, it was just a long beep with no back up power.

Yes. I got excited. Time had arrived to carry out my experiments. Preliminary investigation revealed that the battery would have died. I knew for sure, what my battery Babu ( his name is babu, so do not get confused with other types of babus you know of, though he is not much different from them !) would tell. "A few cells are dead"! Unlike our human body which can survive death of  millions of cells, poor battery can not make it like that.

While I bought a new battery and was about to fix it to the inverter, I decided to lay my hands on the inverter as well. Why not ? Dismantled the power plug, tightened all connections. Once assembled it  back I found a a screw and two washers lying extra, as usual. Preserved them for future use ! All set and connected to the power - bhoom - I heard a noise and the inverted just died. No beep, no light, no life !

I might have to take the inverter to the service engineer to get it rectified, As I was negotiating that vis-a-vis my own "do it yourself" stuff,  my hand accidentally touched a knob behind the inverter. I just tried to rotate it and it worked. I found a small fuse inside and noticed that it was charred beyond recognition. Bought another fuse from near-by shop and yes all was well, Inverter was up an running. I patted myself at my back for this incredible work that saved me a lot of money. Had I taken it to the service engineer, he might have kept the inverter with him for five days, and would have charged me 500 rupees for a 10 rupee fuse.

The other day I found a gentleman on the road struggling to replace the punctured tyre in his car. I was excited again ! Opportunity to dirty my hands !! This time I hadn't to worry about any screw-up, it was his car after all. Moreover, putting a jack and fixing wheel are screw-up job any ways !! He had successfully lifted the car with the jack but was toiling to unscrew those nuts. He did not read in the manual that he has to loosen the nuts by one or two turns before the wheel is lifted from the ground, else the the whole wheel will rotate along with the nut with no grip. Who reads manuals including me ! My past experience and expert advice by another passerby had made me aware of that fact. I helped him to get it fixed. He saved some time and money by not calling an expert.

I am sure a few of you would be thinking that I am trying to portrait myself as a big hero. Don't think like that, even I don't do !

There is always a 20-20 chance of me being successful. 20% times I get it right, 20% of times I fail and I go to the service engineer to get it fixed. Rest of the 60% I will end up in buying a new piece as the old one would have become beyond repair even by the best expert -  thanks to my handiwork !

Whenever some thing becomes half functional, the moment I stare at it, my wife will say "why don't you call the service engineer and get it fixed" She is well aware of the fact that there is every chance that I will try to fix it my self followed by trauma for a few days !

There are many things I have junked like that in the past. There are many live examples at home too, it's better not to mention about those.

All I can say is that it all depends on one's interest. Curious to know what has gone wrong and get a thrill while fixing it by self. But then you need to have stomach to digest the risks and expenses associated with it.  The other option is to depend solely on the service guys. Then you need to have a lion's heart to absorb what they say and  believe that those people have not taken you for a ride.

While you people ponder on whether you should  have an efficient, digestive stomach or have a big lion's heart - let me conclude this discussion with a prayer - "may all your equipment live long and they do not break down in the near future. Best of luck !