Name is important

Needless to say I am unhappy today. My name got corrupted. By none other than the Bank who issued me the credit card several years back. When I see the credit card statement for this month, all the numbers look just fine, those huge spendings are crystal clear to me. But at the top of the statement my name Sundaresh ominously lost its all-important and sweetest alphabet at the beginning, I became a dull Undaresh ! My name lost all its beauty. Probably in their computer name-database the number of names with the alphabet S would have exceeded max quota, the computer would have mercilessly dropped the first character of my name to accommodate it! It’s quite possible, max quota would have exceeded, names of many of us start with S thanks to Sanskrit language anything starts with S has to be good!   But I decided not to waste my energy to call them up and get it corrected. After all it’s me who owe them money and not otherwise, why should I worry much!

I am sure some of us don’t like our names itself, forget about getting it corrupted. But as such we don’t have a choice, right? By the time we realise that the name chosen and given carefully by our parents does not taste good for us, it is too late. If at all one decides to change it altogether, complex processes need to be followed to get it changed in umpteen number of documents, he can be pretty busy for a few years to get that in order. So we choose to live with that ugly, old-fashioned name for ever! And rest assured, next generation will be in the same state of affairs !

My folks back in home town they have nick names for families. One reason for that could be, centuries back when our ancestors migrated from the north to the southern part of the country, they did not have any land or place of their own, no clear identity. Invariably every other child would have had a name Srinivas or Padmavathy depending upon the gender of the child. It would have been extremely difficult to identify somebody only by his/her original name, they needed something more to make it unique. So the nicknames emerged, probably based on some incident happened in that family. For example we have “Bayle Chabbillo Bhottu”  ( a Bhat who had bitten his wife!! ), I am pretty sure one of the members of this family would have bitten his wife in anger, that too in public! There is another family with a bit modern and English nick name “Pipe Water”. I am not sure how that name emerged, it could have been this family would have received first the pipe water connection from the municipal authorities. 

There are many funny names like that, no family is spared! It is not fair if I don’t mention my family nick name, it is “Chivney”! Chivney in Konkani has two meanings – one a small rat, two  lamp cover of a conventional lantern. I am still struggling to find out how this name had been arrived, looking at the traits of current generation in my family there are no visible clues that lead to fact that we used to behave badly like a rat. Neither there is any proof that my ancestors used to sell lamp covers. But one thing is sure, if I go to my home town to identify myself,  the best way to do is by saying “I am son of Vamana who belongs to  Chivney family “. 

Like many others Vamana, my father was also proud of his name at least till his tenth class , according to his own words. He was sitting in the History class taken up by none other than the tough, never smiling Hanumantacharya, the head master of the school. Hanumantacharya was extremely strict, those days he was as powerful as district magistrate! Students used to be scared of him, one minor mistake, the punishment was severe, one might be out of school. He believed in using a sledgehammer to crack even a small nut! That day the portion was on a bit of Portuguese history and he was explaining the achievements of Alfonso de Albuquerque, the great Portuguese general, the empire builder.  When he pronounced the general’s complicated name, Vamana, my father could not resist giggling hearing that funny name. Hanumantacharya caught him laughing, he asked my father to stand up. My father thought his academic career was over.  “What’s your name? “asked the strict Head master. My father replied feebly “Vamana”! The never-smiling headmaster roared and roared of laughter. Then he said “This is the way the Portuguese people would laugh when they hear your funny name, Vamana, you can sit now” !!

Surely, there is logic in arriving in every name, there is a purpose behind naming in a particular way. Whether it is for a person, family, building, scheme or society. And it is up to us to understand the importance of that name and make it more meaningful, exciting as much as possible. And also respect it by trying to understand and call it correctly, else it may not be well received by the other party. I will be the last person to get delighted when somebody calls me and says “Good morning sir, Am I speaking to Mr. Undaresh?”. I will hang up the phone then and there, without taking the pains to correct the caller that I am actually Sundaresh. Another two such calls, I might be asking the bank to cancel my credit card, I have many more from other banks in my wallet. If needed I can get a few more cards in a week’s time with my correct, sweet, meaningful name on them, to spend more as I wish!

Old age

“What is the difference between having children and not having?”, yes I heard this question clearly this morning. Luckily the question was not to me, I didn’t have to struggle hard to find an impossible answer.

The question was raised by one of them from the group of senior ladies to another one. I see them normally walking in the park in a snail’s pace while I briskly overtake them, obviously showing-off as much as I could. All five of them should be into their late seventies if not early eighties. Today they had completed their normal couple of rounds of walking and settled in the usual benches in the corner. I looked at them and they smiled at me with full of envy, I am more agile and can walk more energetically than them. I reciprocated with a smile at them, again enviously! I am not sure whether I will be able to live that long as they have done. Even if I manage to reach that age, I was not sure whether I will be able to make it to the park even at that snail’s pace! And discuss anything under the sun that loudly.

I have seen old people discussing even sensitive topics so boldly and loudly in the public. Loud because they could be slightly turned deaf, boldness comes from the fact that they don’t have to care about anything; they have crossed almost all milestones in their lives. They don’t care much of the life left in them! This group of five old beauties is no exception. They discuss about politicians, corruption, movies and romance, marital affairs plus extra, cold wars, religious matters – anything that is current that day. They are so loud that even if I choose not to overhear what they say, it is almost impossible.

So I guess today’s topic for them is about bringing up the children and what to expect from those very children. Obviously one of them or any of their equally old friends might have had a bad experience from the children, not properly looking after her at this old age. No surprises there. Human psychology is such that one is motivated to do something if he/she is hopeful of some returns and he/she has fun in doing that activity. That’s why every parent takes good care of his/her children. When the activity stems out of sheer obligation, it becomes stressful, it is done half-heartedly. No wonder many children are not able to take care of their old parents with that much care, where is the joy and for what purpose? .All that old parents can do then is complain about that in these available forums.

Recently I came across a survey done on couples who have children and who don’t have. Those who don’t have children were healthier- no sugar, no BP, no cholesterol. They are able to find time for everything, they are able to sleep well for good 8 hours, and they are able to watch TV programs at their will. No worries what so ever. But, there was one BIG twist in the whole finding. With all this hardship, the couples with children seem to be much happier than the other lot! So there is no much choice there I guess if one is looking for more happiness in life!!

Gone are those days when people used to have dozens of children, happiness could have generated from one child or the other! One can’t simply afford to have that luxury now. I have a family friend who is the eldest son for his parents. His parents were so productive, in 15 years of their marriage they had 12 children, including an identical twins. According to him, he could have had many more siblings should he had not intervened wisely. Being the eldest in the family, his father was scared of him and listened to him. Every day after dinner he would push his father to the upper  “machu”of the house ( machu was common arrangement in those old houses, an upper-storey which can be accessed only through a temporary ladder. Machu was usually used to store things which are sparingly needed! ). Once father was up there, he would remove the ladder and place it back only the next day morning! He wanted his father to use his resources sparingly especially during nights!!! One can imagine how unhappy the parents and children would have been. More children is not an option either!

Can one blame the situation where the children are not able to take good care of their aged parents? The answer is no. We are in a transition phase. More and more nuclear families, both husband and wife have to go to work to make both ends meet. Children need to be given extra care as far as their education is concerned, young parents need to double their effort to make sure that their child is not thrown out of school for poor academic performance. Where is the time for them to give proper care for their own old parents?

Good news is that many aged parents are aware of this situation. They do value the importance of the lives of their children and grandchildren, they do not want to become liabilities, they do not expect much from their children. But what options do they have? We have only old-age homes to take care of people who are poor and who do not have anybody to look after. These homes are run by charity organizations, which is obviously not a scalable model. Then there are these senior citizen colonies coming up. I will be the last person to opt for such a facility, I do not want to see an ailing person in front of my house while I myself is ailing. Moreover, if I fall down accidentally, there will be very few healthy young people around me to lift me and take to the nearest hospital!

What we need is more and more good, well maintained old-age homes with a good business model. I presume there are a few now, we need more of them. Providing good in-house service round the clock, generating a decent profit. Facilities can be provided based on paying capacity of the old. Even equipped with independent air-conditioned rooms with TV and a mini-bar at the corner for people who want and who can afford it financially, if health permits! With ample space for young relatives to come down and chat with when they find time. I know for sure more of these will definitely be set up in our country by good entrepreneurs. But it would take time. So I have decided - till such time when these facilities become common, I will try my best to grow old as slowly as possible, and keep some money reserved for that!