I could sleep

I was in the train. Another 12 hours of journey, overnight travel. Of course, my wife was sitting in front of me. This was one of the rare occasions these days we watched continuously each other sitting opposite. We had done like that only in the early years of our marriage. We found nothing else so interesting to do then, we had nothing else to do now in the running train!

“We shall buy something to eat in the train, no need to pack something” my wife had announced to my joy. Something different would be available to eat. Before the train started, one guy came and told us not to buy anything from the platform. “There is a pantry in the train and you would get fresh food for a cheaper price” he had added. Those words made me more enthusiastic, looking forward to something more interesting in the journey at least for the first two hours. 

Two hours went by. Three hours went by. Nothing came. I eagerly looked as and when each person passed through the passage. Hoping that some vendor might be coming in without the usual shouting of what he had to offer. Nobody came with food, neither quietly nor shouting. It was getting late and I knew empty stomach would never put me into sleep. 

Things got worsened. The family next to us opened their food packets which they brought from home. The aroma did more harm than good to me.  Even if in the un-likelihood of them offering some food to me, I decided I would not. “Do not take food offered by strangers in the train” the announcement made at the platform was still ringing in my ears. They might lace food with some sedative and put us into sleep. And if they stole my wallet that contained close to 500 rupees, I would not be able to sleep for the next two days. And if they stole the gold chain worn by wife, then she would not sleep for rest of her life! It was better for me to starve and do not sleep this night!

Finally late in the night one guy came. He had to offer only Chicken Biriyani. It could have been fresh, probably when it was prepared long time ago. I had no choice but buy it. To the question whether anything more edible would come later, his reply was not convincing. I decided to face that challenge, carefully removing the chicken pieces and the rice around them. To make it purely vegetarian and then consume. To get some sleep at least! And I slept.

I had a challenge in the return trip as well. Obviously, my wife was again sitting opposite to me, but that was a minor challenge. Hunger was not an issue this time either. I had taken care of that part well. After attending a religious function that day, I had eaten much more than required. Not only because it was free, but also to make sure that my stomach would not go empty while traveling. In fact I could go on without food for another day or two, I had eaten that much!

My worry was different. I could see cockroaches moving around the floor, some of them even flying and making sorties! My worry was how I would get sleep. Even if I went to sleep these cockroaches might enter in my nose, ears and all possible holes in my body. That very thought kept me awake for a long time.

Then I could smell a pungent smell. It was mild while entering the train. But it became stronger as the train started moving and the air conditioner in the coach started circulating air more rigorously within itself with no way to exit! No wonder the cockroaches were in full action. They were suffocated by the strong pest-control chemicals used. The strong smell of the chemical was not bad enough for them to faint and die. But it was more than bad enough to make me almost unconscious for the rest of the night. Just to wake up in the morning with a severe head-ache. At least it made me sleep with no worries of flying objects and of them entering into unwanted territories.

Sleep is a must for all, dreamless the better! And there could be some days one does not get sleep. Luckily there are many ways, good and bad, to induce sleep.  The challenge is to follow the good ones and avoid the easy, bad ones.

Pain Pain Go Away

Pain is universal. I doubt if there is anybody among us who hadn’t suffered any pain. And with no exception, we all have caused pain. All of us came to this world - born - by inflicting pain – though not deliberately, as it is, we were too tiny at that time even to dream of such cruel thoughts.

If I am a sane person, not the one influenced by any external addictive factors, I will be the last person to cause injuries to others. That’s what the poor driver of the Transport bus did today. In Ananthpur ghat section. He was climbing uphill and negotiating a sharp turn. Then he saw the omni-present three wheeler auto rickshaw coming head on to him. All he wanted to do was to save those 3 or 4 people in the auto rickshaw by avoiding a head-on collision. He did manage that, but he didn’t realise that the road is too narrow and there is 30 ft deep gorge on the side. The bus fell into the gorge, killing 15 people on board. Many got injured, they are in the hospital - still suffering from severe pain. So it happens, when we avoid paining somebody, it is possible that we pain somebody else. And chances are high that we will not have enough time or data to think which one will be less painful!

Once I also had a pain, severe one. I had a tooth problem. First cavity in one of my teeth. I went to the dentist. “This needs to be filled”, saying that his hands already went to that drilling machine. To clean the cavity, make it wider and deeper, so that the filling material could seat properly. I was a bit worried. Would this process pain me? If so how do I communicate it to him? Had been any other part of my body being dealt with, I could at least shout, cry. Here that rotating thing at high speed in my mouth, I could not open my mouth more to do that! If I did shake my head, the dentist then would have to fill more cavities in neighbouring teeth – man-made ones, made by himself with that powerful tool.

“Just squeeze my hand if it pains”, the guy seemed to be well experienced. He at least knew what he was doing. In this scenario, he knew his patients’ difficulty in communicating, in normal verbal manner to him. So he set the protocol, I was too happy for that and I opened my mouth even wider allowing him to drill happily. And it pained, pained like hell. I squeezed his hand as per protocol, rather gently. I didn’t want him to lose his aim! He stopped the spindle, but without removing the stuff from my mouth he asked “Is it a pain or just a sensation?”! I was taken aback. This was not there in the protocol. There was nothing else mentioned to be squeezed in the case of just a sensation! Being still mouthful, then all I could do was squeeze his hand again, extremely hard this time, my nails almost piercing his flesh. Just to tell him that it started with a sensation and now in a severely painful state. He got the message! Yes, there are surely different ways to communicate one’s pain and its intensity!

When do we forget about certain a pain? While the root cause of the pain is found out and corrective and preventive actions are taken. But when we face with more severe pain, less severe ones tend to vanish temporarily only to resurface when top priority one dies off. 

My friend, Ramu can vouch for it. 

Ramu had gone to school that day carrying two bottles of water. The teacher had advised them only on the previous day that they should drink plenty of water. To cleanse the body and purge all toxic materials from the body. So whenever he got a chance he drank water that day – end result ? within two hours itself his bladder was full of toxic waste that to be purged out. He had a painful feeling and he controlled it till the next bio-break. He rushed to the rest room, tried to unzip his trousers in a hurry. Halfway through it stuck there, not going up or down. He also sensed the pain as the zip got hooked to the only vital part of the body while trying to go down. He withered with pain, he totally forgot about the urge for purging out the toxic waste. Then another thought made him numb, he totally forgot the pain the zip was causing. His next challenge was how to communicate this situation to others and seek help. Talking about private part of the body was part of the problem, more shameful part for him was that people would know he had forgotten to wear something under his trousers! 

Somehow, Ramu managed to tell his problem to one of the school attendants, who rushed him to a nearby hospital. He recovered from the shame, the doctor removed the zip to release him from pain and for him get the sensation that he had to relieve himself! Next morning onwards, Ramu’s mother took all the pains to check his school uniform dress was in order and more specifically to remind him to wear something under those dresses! All her other pains regarding Ramu became insignificant!

Das was senior in my school. He always stood first- not in his class but in the morning assembly line. He was too short for his age, he never grew. People used to call him “dwarf”, liliput, kulla eta all. Obviously it was extremely painful for him. His parents consulted many doctors, they could not find anything wrong with him. Then one fine day Das started getting a pain. Started in his forehead and he started complaining of pain all over his head. Doctors scanned and declared – “he has a tumour in his brain, to be removed and biopsy to be done”. Operation was successful and they studied the biopsy. “Lucky for him. This is perfectly benign. No problem at all”. Das’s pains vanished. Doctors had promised that the tumour would not grow again and it didn’t. But something else started growing. Das himself! He suddenly started growing tall and that growth stopped only when he touched 6’5’’. And standing erect he could easily touch the basket itself while playing basketball for his school. Yes, at times unexpected pain may lead to some unexpected gain.

No pain, no gain, it is true. But unfortunately certain pain may not result in any gain, it will remain as a pain! While trying to cure that, all we can say to that type of pain is :

Pain Pain Go Away

Come Again Another Day

Bring in Gain Come what May

Pain Pain Go Away!

Know myself

Finally it is all over. The New Year celebrations. I also had a small but nice celebration at my friend’s place and decided to retire to bed early. Just to sleep for a final time in the Year 2014. 

Then all sorts of thoughts came to my mind. I deserved it, like a moron I tried to go to sleep when all others were in the process of celebrating and getting ready to receive the New Year. One thought kept me awake for a while, the New Year resolution, what it should be?

I had read many resolutions from celebrities - quit smoking, stop consumption of alcohol – all that affect functions of brain. But this particular one had caught my attention more – try to know myself. I thought this one at least was a no-brainer.

But, alas I found that it was equally challenging. When I tried to plan an approach to know myself I drew a blank one. Needless to say the sleep eluded me as I thought more and more. I turned to one side, I could see only the wall, the blank one! I turned to the other side. My wife was sound asleep without making any sound. Waking her up in the middle asking her to share thoughts on my great question was definitely not a good idea, I might hear more than required! Then with no bias on either side I looked up. The ceiling fan had been rotating providing enough breeze and of course with the associated noise. I always wondered these fans could be designed to rotate in both directions, atleast it would help in cold season.  I could reverse its direction which would allow the breeze to go upwards, and make the required level of noise which is mandatory for my sleep, irrespective of the weather conditions!

That gave me a clue for my thought process to know myself. Look at it through another direction, are others keen on knowing me? Absolutely, from the very beginning, from the day I was born. That day people around me were curious to know whether the new-born was a boy or girl. How much ever I try to hide my sexuality, at some point in time the whole world had the ability to know what pair of chromosomes I carry.

Then I go to school. The teachers try to know what my interests are by conducting tests and exams. Good in Maths, you will be engineer. Good in Biology, you can be a doctor and so on. If I’m not good in anything instead of citing a few examples of highly successful people in business, sports and politics that were actually school drop-outs, they would associate me with millions of others who were drop-outs and are good-for-nothing fellows later. Quite natural right?

Once I complete education, I need a job, I face the job interview. “Tell me something about you”, the would-be employer also wants to know about me! He wants to make sure that he knows a little bit of me before handing me over the job. He would definitely know much more about me as I progress in my job!

On the job, people help me, I help them. People appreciate my good work, I reciprocate. People criticise my style, I do more. At the end of one year people are ready to share the strengths and weaknesses in me, they know me well by then. More than I myself do.

If I go to a cloth shop, the merchant tries to profile me just by my appearance. He will come across with something new, an eye opener for me. He would tell me that I would definitely like that yellow striped pocket-less shirt with some crazy scribblings on the right side, probably the non-moving one from his racks!

For that matter let me take any other field. Everybody is trying to know me more and more, always. And what do I do? I do exactly the same, try to know others.  So where is the time to know myself? And by the way, what is there new to know, I know me well! 

Then the solution came to my mind as I heard crackers from neighborhood, clock has struck 12 and it is new and happy 2015. While this intense knowing-others exercise goes on eternally, what I can do this New Year can be something concrete. I can focus on my value system. Hold my values high above everything else. Demonstrate them in each of my actions. By doing so, I can make others know who I really am. I would know myself more from their reactions.

Now at the moment, the least I can do is something valuable and simple. Wish you all a happy, prosperous and value based New Year.