Old age

“What is the difference between having children and not having?”, yes I heard this question clearly this morning. Luckily the question was not to me, I didn’t have to struggle hard to find an impossible answer.

The question was raised by one of them from the group of senior ladies to another one. I see them normally walking in the park in a snail’s pace while I briskly overtake them, obviously showing-off as much as I could. All five of them should be into their late seventies if not early eighties. Today they had completed their normal couple of rounds of walking and settled in the usual benches in the corner. I looked at them and they smiled at me with full of envy, I am more agile and can walk more energetically than them. I reciprocated with a smile at them, again enviously! I am not sure whether I will be able to live that long as they have done. Even if I manage to reach that age, I was not sure whether I will be able to make it to the park even at that snail’s pace! And discuss anything under the sun that loudly.

I have seen old people discussing even sensitive topics so boldly and loudly in the public. Loud because they could be slightly turned deaf, boldness comes from the fact that they don’t have to care about anything; they have crossed almost all milestones in their lives. They don’t care much of the life left in them! This group of five old beauties is no exception. They discuss about politicians, corruption, movies and romance, marital affairs plus extra, cold wars, religious matters – anything that is current that day. They are so loud that even if I choose not to overhear what they say, it is almost impossible.

So I guess today’s topic for them is about bringing up the children and what to expect from those very children. Obviously one of them or any of their equally old friends might have had a bad experience from the children, not properly looking after her at this old age. No surprises there. Human psychology is such that one is motivated to do something if he/she is hopeful of some returns and he/she has fun in doing that activity. That’s why every parent takes good care of his/her children. When the activity stems out of sheer obligation, it becomes stressful, it is done half-heartedly. No wonder many children are not able to take care of their old parents with that much care, where is the joy and for what purpose? .All that old parents can do then is complain about that in these available forums.

Recently I came across a survey done on couples who have children and who don’t have. Those who don’t have children were healthier- no sugar, no BP, no cholesterol. They are able to find time for everything, they are able to sleep well for good 8 hours, and they are able to watch TV programs at their will. No worries what so ever. But, there was one BIG twist in the whole finding. With all this hardship, the couples with children seem to be much happier than the other lot! So there is no much choice there I guess if one is looking for more happiness in life!!

Gone are those days when people used to have dozens of children, happiness could have generated from one child or the other! One can’t simply afford to have that luxury now. I have a family friend who is the eldest son for his parents. His parents were so productive, in 15 years of their marriage they had 12 children, including an identical twins. According to him, he could have had many more siblings should he had not intervened wisely. Being the eldest in the family, his father was scared of him and listened to him. Every day after dinner he would push his father to the upper  “machu”of the house ( machu was common arrangement in those old houses, an upper-storey which can be accessed only through a temporary ladder. Machu was usually used to store things which are sparingly needed! ). Once father was up there, he would remove the ladder and place it back only the next day morning! He wanted his father to use his resources sparingly especially during nights!!! One can imagine how unhappy the parents and children would have been. More children is not an option either!

Can one blame the situation where the children are not able to take good care of their aged parents? The answer is no. We are in a transition phase. More and more nuclear families, both husband and wife have to go to work to make both ends meet. Children need to be given extra care as far as their education is concerned, young parents need to double their effort to make sure that their child is not thrown out of school for poor academic performance. Where is the time for them to give proper care for their own old parents?

Good news is that many aged parents are aware of this situation. They do value the importance of the lives of their children and grandchildren, they do not want to become liabilities, they do not expect much from their children. But what options do they have? We have only old-age homes to take care of people who are poor and who do not have anybody to look after. These homes are run by charity organizations, which is obviously not a scalable model. Then there are these senior citizen colonies coming up. I will be the last person to opt for such a facility, I do not want to see an ailing person in front of my house while I myself is ailing. Moreover, if I fall down accidentally, there will be very few healthy young people around me to lift me and take to the nearest hospital!

What we need is more and more good, well maintained old-age homes with a good business model. I presume there are a few now, we need more of them. Providing good in-house service round the clock, generating a decent profit. Facilities can be provided based on paying capacity of the old. Even equipped with independent air-conditioned rooms with TV and a mini-bar at the corner for people who want and who can afford it financially, if health permits! With ample space for young relatives to come down and chat with when they find time. I know for sure more of these will definitely be set up in our country by good entrepreneurs. But it would take time. So I have decided - till such time when these facilities become common, I will try my best to grow old as slowly as possible, and keep some money reserved for that!