Feed differently Back strongly

“How is this saree ?” my wife asks me when she is ready in her saree to go to attend a function.

She wants a feedback!

She would be looking at the mirror checking whether everything is perfect while asking that question. I would be watching at my mobile. I will say “It is good” without removing my eyes from the mobile phone.

Her question could be loaded one. It could mean she is just asking whether the color of the saree is good on her. Wrong person to seek opinion, but for red and green, I cannot distinguish between other colors in broad day light ! I have that non-curable deficiency - color blindness. If her question is aimed at getting feedback on how well she had worn it, again she is a better person than me on this, as she has been wearing saree for ages, not me. If the question is much deeper than what I thought – how good she looks in that saree – then do I have choice to tell her the truth, if at all it is bitter!!

Most of the times, I get away with that “It is good“ answer with no meaning attached to it. But at times she had caught me red-handed. Then I look at her and suggest some minor cosmetic changes in wearing that saree which would settle the issue. Actually, I know she is not serious in receiving feedback from me, she needs an appreciation from me. A dumb person like me does not understand it as I am busy with my mobile !

To me feedback is a process to “feed” the other person something differently if you perceive that the current one is not good. And “back” the things strongly which you think are the right ones in your view.

“What is your feedback to us” GM of the unit asked me in my exit interview when I quit my first job. I really enjoyed working there and I was quitting for a better salary.

But when that question was raised my mind went 4 years back. After putting a lot of pressure by me I was allotted a company accommodation, old independent house in that colony. I was thrilled. I went and locked the house with that copper-rich 9 levers Godrej Navatal lock, decided to move in there in a few days' time. Next day I went to have a second look at the house, I saw the lock was mercilessly broken. That was the only expensive item in that house!

 I moved in though.

A few weeks went past with my locking and unlocking the house with no major issues. Then one day I found the electric bulb (the cheap incandescent one which generates more heat than light ! CFL was unheard of in those days ) in the front veranda missing. I put another one. With in 2 days that also vanished. Then onwards I religiously used to take it and keep it inside in the morning and used to fix it back when I returned in the evenings. On such evening, I just fixed the bulb, went in, washed my face switched on. No light, I found the bulb is missing by that time. Petty theft was rampant in the colony. Water used to come at 1:00 AM for 25 minutes, it used to fill a 20 liter bucket in 7 minutes. There were no ceiling fans. As summer set in I got one fixed in my bedroom after lots of follow up. One day it also stopped working. Again after following up continuously, I found the company electrician in front of my house that day morning. He looked at the fan, suggested the capacitor and few other parts need to be replaced. Might not be available in stores, if I wanted to have a quick fix he could buy from outside. I paid him some money, need was mine right? I came back in the afternoon to check whether the fan was fixed and to get some cool air. I saw this electrician happily sleeping on my bed, fully drunk. I woke him up, I could easily make out, he did nothing but got drunk with my money. I shouted, threatened him that I will report to higher authorities. He just blabbered “Last 15 years I am working here. Nobody can touch my skin” in Tamil (actually he did not say “skin” but much more delicate stuff that grow on human skin, a bad slang in Malayalam and Tamil !). I did report this incident, nothing happened, unions were strong as usual!

Coming back to my exit interview, I thought I will suggest improvement in company provided accommodation. “Over all good but the condition of company accommodation needs to improve” I tried to start telling. “You do not seem to be appreciative about what we are doing, blah blah blah “ the GM took off. He was in charge of staff welfare function as well in addition to computer services. Obviously he knew what I was trying to “feed” him might not digest well. So he cut me off, without getting into details.

While seeking feedback, get it from competent person in that area. More importantly you should believe in that person that he would give a matured feedback, candidly. As such, people with this combination are rare. And do not have a closed mind. Do not expect people will only “back” your good ones. They might “feed” different alternate things for your bad ones which you may not like.

While giving feedback, open your mouth only if you are sure of what you are telling. And also you are sure that it would help the other person. Of course, even otherwise you can open your mouth just to say “It is good”!

And no restrictions in this exceptional case here, you need not give a comment about this particular blog "It is good" !!!