Know myself

Finally it is all over. The New Year celebrations. I also had a small but nice celebration at my friend’s place and decided to retire to bed early. Just to sleep for a final time in the Year 2014. 

Then all sorts of thoughts came to my mind. I deserved it, like a moron I tried to go to sleep when all others were in the process of celebrating and getting ready to receive the New Year. One thought kept me awake for a while, the New Year resolution, what it should be?

I had read many resolutions from celebrities - quit smoking, stop consumption of alcohol – all that affect functions of brain. But this particular one had caught my attention more – try to know myself. I thought this one at least was a no-brainer.

But, alas I found that it was equally challenging. When I tried to plan an approach to know myself I drew a blank one. Needless to say the sleep eluded me as I thought more and more. I turned to one side, I could see only the wall, the blank one! I turned to the other side. My wife was sound asleep without making any sound. Waking her up in the middle asking her to share thoughts on my great question was definitely not a good idea, I might hear more than required! Then with no bias on either side I looked up. The ceiling fan had been rotating providing enough breeze and of course with the associated noise. I always wondered these fans could be designed to rotate in both directions, atleast it would help in cold season.  I could reverse its direction which would allow the breeze to go upwards, and make the required level of noise which is mandatory for my sleep, irrespective of the weather conditions!

That gave me a clue for my thought process to know myself. Look at it through another direction, are others keen on knowing me? Absolutely, from the very beginning, from the day I was born. That day people around me were curious to know whether the new-born was a boy or girl. How much ever I try to hide my sexuality, at some point in time the whole world had the ability to know what pair of chromosomes I carry.

Then I go to school. The teachers try to know what my interests are by conducting tests and exams. Good in Maths, you will be engineer. Good in Biology, you can be a doctor and so on. If I’m not good in anything instead of citing a few examples of highly successful people in business, sports and politics that were actually school drop-outs, they would associate me with millions of others who were drop-outs and are good-for-nothing fellows later. Quite natural right?

Once I complete education, I need a job, I face the job interview. “Tell me something about you”, the would-be employer also wants to know about me! He wants to make sure that he knows a little bit of me before handing me over the job. He would definitely know much more about me as I progress in my job!

On the job, people help me, I help them. People appreciate my good work, I reciprocate. People criticise my style, I do more. At the end of one year people are ready to share the strengths and weaknesses in me, they know me well by then. More than I myself do.

If I go to a cloth shop, the merchant tries to profile me just by my appearance. He will come across with something new, an eye opener for me. He would tell me that I would definitely like that yellow striped pocket-less shirt with some crazy scribblings on the right side, probably the non-moving one from his racks!

For that matter let me take any other field. Everybody is trying to know me more and more, always. And what do I do? I do exactly the same, try to know others.  So where is the time to know myself? And by the way, what is there new to know, I know me well! 

Then the solution came to my mind as I heard crackers from neighborhood, clock has struck 12 and it is new and happy 2015. While this intense knowing-others exercise goes on eternally, what I can do this New Year can be something concrete. I can focus on my value system. Hold my values high above everything else. Demonstrate them in each of my actions. By doing so, I can make others know who I really am. I would know myself more from their reactions.

Now at the moment, the least I can do is something valuable and simple. Wish you all a happy, prosperous and value based New Year.